Why I Hate Being Bored @ Work

Today like most Saturday’s started in a fog. I awoke to a phone call from my friend Susan. As I sat up in bed the room felt as if it was spinning and my head was pounding like a drum, needless to say last night was a lot of fun. As I dragged myself to the bathroom and prepared for the day that laid ahead of me I began to think about what I would do to occupy myself during down time. You see the first half of my Saturday involves me being energetic, talking alot and walking around. Having downtime really didn’t apply to this situation but the second half of my day is where things change.

You see I come from military parents who believed that if you weren’t doing anything, then you were up to no good. Growing up with this mentality I always attempt to keep myself busy and when I absolutely have nothing to do, I drink. No, I’m not an alcoholic I just enjoy getting to my “happy place” and calling it a day but we’re not here to talk about that right now (That’s for a later post).  At this job, one is charged with the task of finding ways to keep busy and be proactive. Whenever I walk in and see that there is mail to be sorted, packages to log, etc. my heart flutters with so much joy. Today when I entered I saw everything I previously mentioned to mentioned I had the glorious task of designing a poster. It was like heaven to me, sadly it was short lived.

This job is what I would call idiot proof just smile alot, be really nice to everyone and know how to read and you can do all the task. Being the natural overachiever I am as soon as I get these tasks I fly right through with such ease. The Problem? I don’t realize how fast I complete tasks. Which wouldn’t be a problem if the tasks would keep coming but everyone is super busy focusing on other things that little ol’ me is left to sit here and find something to do. So I sorted mail, distributed mail, made a poster, organized the packages, fixed the carts, and audited all the keys. Pretty impressive right? Even better I did it all in 2 hours. Now with 2 hours left till my shifts done I have nothing to do. 

Which brings up back to my original statement of “Why I Hate Being Bored @ Work” as stated earlier my default it to go to the liquor store and have fun Captain Morgan but you can’t do this at the office. So what can I do instead? I know play Tetris Friends on Facebook! Oh wait I suck a tetris…. How about text your friends to come visit you! Oh they’re all at home/moving in/not in this country…. I got it! Go on tumblr! I’ve already been through my dash…..5 times. I have nothing to do and it’s miserable. All I can do is sit here, stare at the clock and watch it go backwards.

If you’re reading this and you love me…. or say you do. Please come see me. I’m so bored… so so bored.

Why are you screaming?: Dealing with a friend that’s a little….loud

The earlier part of this past week is what I would call….trying. You see in my friend circle we all function together as a well oiled unit and when one of the pieces is missing we all feel a little off. This past week all but two pieces (one of which is me) were left behind while everyone else “vacationed”. You see normally this would be fine for me except for who was the other piece, we’ll refer to her as Loud Child for now. You see Loud Child and I used to be really close the first year of college but as the saying goes people change. This past year was very much so on the “trying my patience” side of life. From her “I’ve taken one Psychology class and totally know everything your thinking” to “I totally know so much korean and will correct you on your mistakes”. You see all of this is easy to deal with though, you just never talk about yourself, never mention anything korean, and hide all your cute friends. Easy enough right? But where the line is crossed for me is the screaming. 

Screaming to me is something that is only acceptable A)in the bedroom B)upon injury and sometimes C) when the cute boy down the hall asks you out. You see we are all built with this natural sense that screaming is equated with pain. Think about it when a baby cries we think it is hurting or something is wrong, when a toddler cries it’s because something is wrong, when your 20 year old friend screams YOU’D THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG RIGHT? Well not with this friend screaming has become a mechanism of narcissism. “You’re not paying enough attention to me. SCREAM!”  ”I have a problem and you won’t ask me about it. SCREAM!” “I just learned a new word in Korean. SCREAM” SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM! 

SHUT THE FUCK UP! hahah whoops I let the crazy out there for a second. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a loud person as well. I bump dance music at all times of the day, I enjoy dancing around, I like to sing along to my music, but even I know when it’s appropriate and not so appropriate to scream, shout, and be loud for no reason. But Loud Child well she’s loud for no reason at all. Take for example two days ago, I was in the process of moving rooms. It was about 11pm, I was tired, ready for bed, and super hungry. In an attempt to try and lift my spirit up she puts on one of my favorite songs and we begin to hum along. It lifted my spirits and gave me a boost to keep working but as the first chorus approached something went terribly wrong. I’m moving boxes around in my room when she just erupts in a loud, not to mention terribly off key version of the chorus of a song I love. Now I know you’re thinking “Smack dat ho in the mouth” and I would have if she wasn’t helping me move.  So instead I just clinch my jaw and think about Pandas but by the time song ended not even this little guy could stop me from seeing red.

Which is when I remembered a method my sister used when dealing with her three lovable yet very loud children. 

1. Conversation
Now I know you’re thinking but Phil you said don’t talk to this person because everything will always be about them and their problems and that’s about as much fun a punching a wall. You’re right! The loop hole is only talk about them. Ask open ended questions that leave room for elaboration. “What’s new in your life?”, “Are you seeing anyone?” “How have you been feeling lately about the recent stage collapse in Europe?” What ever it takes to make this person talk rather than shout at you is a gold star in my book.

2. Feed Them
My parents are from the south so naturally I inherited a couple of pretty sick culinary skills and trust me I’d be more than happy to spend 3 hours in the kitchen shoving food down your mouth then hear you sing. Yes I will be sharing some of these recipes with you later on (if this blog lives long enough) 

3. Fake A Heart Condition
While this may seem a bit extreme but if you articulate the lie well enough and use just the right amount of “haven’t you ever noticed” you can convince anyone to believe anything. Take my sister for example she tells her children on days when they are particularly energetic that all of the noise gives her a headache and if her headache gets bad enough she’ll pass out and have to go to the hospital. While this may seem unorthodox it gets them to quiet down. I’ll say it’s not my most used method but hey I consider it plan Z.

4. Scream Louder Than Them
I myself am a big fan of this one because not only do I get to let out my frustration it totally creeps out the original screamer. While you’re waking the neighborhood they are left standing there awkwardly staring at you wondering WTF. It’s quite wonderful.

After stopping Loud Child from screaming I promptly decided that it was time for bed and escorted her out of my room. I’m not sure how many more days I can spend with only this person as my default friend. If anyone in my circle is reading this, I hate you. Come back to me now. I’m going crazy and losing my voice from screaming so much.

Philly.

tumblrbot said: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

My earliest memory is the first time I ever went to Sea World. I was about 4 at the time and it was the first time I had ever been to any sort of amusement park. I remember getting wet by Shamu’s and instead of freaking out like most kids I just wanted him to splash water on me over and over again. I feel like that is the reason why I wanted to be a Marine Biologist for a long time. I thought whales were the most beautiful and under appreciated animal.

Welcome to My New Blog!

As I mentioned before on The Phantastical Adventures of Phil, I got a hankering in my bones that it’s time for something new. So much in my life is going crazy and yet at the same time falling into place. Essentially this blog will be the place that I write down all of my opinions, reactions, and critiques of the world. Whether it my personal method for dealing with roommates, opinion of Lady Gaga’s lastest music video, or my adventures into Asian cooking, this blog is about thoughts, ideas, and expression. Because I am still Phil there will be the occasional Panda spam or funny gif popping up but not without explanation or reason. So get ready to see a new side of Phil. It’s a new year, a new blog, a new Phil.